A Gentleman Should Stick to Carrots.
Dear McDonalds:
We had a great run together. There is no denying that you have always been there for me. When I was down, you came around with your hot fudge sundae well wishes and your Big Mac arms wide open. Truly, the times I spent with you were some of the happiest of my life. But sometimes the most seemingly perfect love goes wrong. People evolve, they grow apart, and are forced to move on (especially after catching a glimpse of themselves in the mirror after a shower) to new and better things. Your love just had too much of a hold on me. Particularly, on my center and gentlemanly arse.
So when I've seen you out and about, I've walked to the different side of the street to avoid any confrontation. I'm trying to be mature. Yet you persisted and started sending letters to my apartment practically begging me to return to you with your "$1.00 Filet-O-Fish and FREE Medium Fries and Medium Drink with purchase of an Angus burger" pleadings. However, I've stayed strong.
Today, I opened my mailbox to find that now you've started to play dirty with the introduction of the $1.49 Mac Snack Wrap. A smaller version of my greatest weakness, the Big Mac, in a "healthy" tortilla wrap. Well let me tell you something, this gentleman has learned a trick or two while you've been gone. Ever heard of a little thing called Nutritional Facts? Didn't think so. 330 calories and 19 grams of fat doesn't sound like a snack, but a small feast.
I'd rather eat my loafer than have your fat wrap, Mickie D.
So put that in your greasy pipe and smoke it.
In Nutritional Facts We Trust,
HPG
We had a great run together. There is no denying that you have always been there for me. When I was down, you came around with your hot fudge sundae well wishes and your Big Mac arms wide open. Truly, the times I spent with you were some of the happiest of my life. But sometimes the most seemingly perfect love goes wrong. People evolve, they grow apart, and are forced to move on (especially after catching a glimpse of themselves in the mirror after a shower) to new and better things. Your love just had too much of a hold on me. Particularly, on my center and gentlemanly arse.
So when I've seen you out and about, I've walked to the different side of the street to avoid any confrontation. I'm trying to be mature. Yet you persisted and started sending letters to my apartment practically begging me to return to you with your "$1.00 Filet-O-Fish and FREE Medium Fries and Medium Drink with purchase of an Angus burger" pleadings. However, I've stayed strong.
Today, I opened my mailbox to find that now you've started to play dirty with the introduction of the $1.49 Mac Snack Wrap. A smaller version of my greatest weakness, the Big Mac, in a "healthy" tortilla wrap. Well let me tell you something, this gentleman has learned a trick or two while you've been gone. Ever heard of a little thing called Nutritional Facts? Didn't think so. 330 calories and 19 grams of fat doesn't sound like a snack, but a small feast.
I'd rather eat my loafer than have your fat wrap, Mickie D.
So put that in your greasy pipe and smoke it.
In Nutritional Facts We Trust,
HPG
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